Phil Kaveny

The Works of Philip Kaveny

Winston Churchill’s War: Ffaldschaddar VI by Phil Kaveny


Young Winston Churchill



Winston Churchill’s War: Ffaldschaddar VI by Phil Kaveny

Meanwhile, Colonel Woody Wilson, and his fireman, Captain George S. Patton, along with his conductor, 1st Lieutenant Teddy Roosevelt, headed East at full steam ahead bound for their rendezvous with destiny in the form of a transatlantic state of the art Steampunk teleconference.  They were over a thousand miles away in Western Washington State in what had become the wild zone, where no law prevailed except for what came out of multi-barrel Gatling automatic cannon at twelve hundred rounds per minute.  They pulled the Mariah into a heavily guarded Black Ram Rail Road round house, which was protected by its location in the center of a kilometer square “Bouncing Betty “minefield fatal to any intruders who did not activate the proper (changed every few seconds) 26-character alpha-numeric transponder code when demanded.  The round house was also protected against The Unholy Alliance’s self-propelled  ’lifting body intruders




a cluster of automatic 37 mm anti-intruder cannon with targeting acquisition assistance by the latest iteration model 1906 of Charles Babbage’s the 4th Difference Engine[1] which was now powered by a hardened direct current generator located in the basement of the compound and protected by three meters of solid concrete and rebar.


President George Armstrong Custer, who had somehow survived being scalped at Little Big Horn thirty years before, continued to wreck a wicked vengeance on the Native Americans.  Custer ran for Vice President on William Jennings Bryan’s 1900 Presidential Ticket and succeeded to the US Presidency when Bryan, a noted glutton, died of a mysterious heart attack after enjoying a “light lunch”, a half-gallon of oysters, a 32 OZ Porter House steak and quart of ice-cream.

President George Armstrong Custer realized his administration would be forced to continue its embroilment in his own thirty years war of constant not so asymmetrical warfare, since Perfidious Albion supplied the Ghost Dance Coalition the latest high-tech weapons.  He paid for them with a very ingenious time travel investment and antique scheme which funded his limited but still highly dangerous cross time mobility capabilities.

Woody Wilson slammed his hand down so hard, that his knuckles bled and roared silently in disgust.  It was just as he thought.  Now it had finally happened that Limey Bastard Secretary of the British Admiralty, Winston Churchill, had negotiated an alliance between the Children of Ghia who were the militant deep ecologists whose agenda was to scourge the earth of all human population above Paleolithic levels.

The Sons of Ishmael and the Children of Ghia, who hated each other and their ideologies as much as the failed Austrian art student, and the Georgian bank robber who called himself yelovek iz stali man of steel. Were promised paradise if they assisted the Keepers of the Black Book of Revelation. The keepers of the Black Book of  Revelation proclaimed  their goal to assist Jesus by hastening the end times, because they were certain they were the only one who called themselves Christian, who got the true message directly from The Father.


The three of them, known by the loss protection agents behind their backs as the three stooges, opened their secret orders that had just been telegraphed to them by President George Armstrong Custer. He had  field commissioned Colonel Woody Wilson, who was on leave from his role as President of Princeton University and was perhaps the most brilliant man in America.  He agreed to work on a special project of the highest priority, along with Teddy Roosevelt and George S. Patton.  The three of were all under deep cover to hide their intelligence, hence the nick name “Three Stooges”.  The Stooges employed three consultants with whom they were in constant contact, using Gino Marconi’s wireless to bridge the Atlantic.  The consultants were a dream team; H.G Wells, at that time the most visionary and highest paid author on the planet, a thirty-year-old German Jewish patent clerk, Albert Einstein, who earlier in his career seemed to do some interesting work but could not keep himself out of the politics of international pacifism and wrote a blistering critique of the Kaiser’s German imperialism, and an obscure writer, H.P. Lovecraft, who wrote about multiple Universes monsters, and a mythos and lived with his aunts in Providence, Rhode Island.


HP Lovecraft

Woody Wilson met H.P. Lovecraft when Lovecraft showed up at an international conference on Cosmology Theology and Science in a ten-dollar suit which look like he slept in it.  Lovecraft looked like he was Woody Wilson’s younger brother, except Woody Wilson was president of a Great University, and H.P. Lovecraft had a note pinned to his lapel from his mother, telling Princeton University President Wilson to make sure, that her little Howie did not stay up too late and to make sure he does not get hooked on any funny ideas about free love talking to H.G. Wells.


Woodrow Wilson


Incidentally Black Ram Railroad also hired the obscure German Jewish pacifist as a contractor and paid for his first-class zeppelin high speed lifting airfare from Geneva and put him up in a deluxe suite in the Central Park Hilton at the expense of the United States of America which was on the verge of a Second Civil war, all of which was part of Winston Churchill’s plan to turn China and America into the British Empire’s opium market.

These great minds met at an international conferenceon Cosmology theology and science and all of them were there to hear H.P Lovecraft who spoke in a very small dimly conference lit conference room about his theory of Moral Realism, Karmic Consequences and causality, and the theology of multi-dimensional, Karl Jung, and Sigmund, had transcripts of Lovecraft telexed to them as rotogravure images via secure international cable to H.G Wells in London. Now the shit hit  the 20,000-rpm turbine full forced when Paul Rathbone harpooned and murdered one of Gaia’s Children, the Kracken, as certainly as Coleridge’s Ancient Mariner shot the Albatross with his crossbow.  Now the poetic imagery of The Rime of The Ancient Mariner would become the reality of the early 20th Western Civilization, they were on the brink of a reality that would make Richard Wagner’s Twilight of the Gods seem like a of a punk Rock Garage Band.  That was the gist of what Lovecraft read from his crumpled notes.  Incidentally President Woody Wilson Telegraphed Howard Philips Lovecraft’s mother, asking if Howie could take a position at Princeton, and promising to remit his entire salary to her minus a small allowance,

Meanwhile Mariah’s ten loss protection specialists knew exactly what to do as converted the Mariah into huge ATV, with Congreve rocket armor piercing defeating interactive amour and low two-meter-tall low-pressure tires which when lowered down the gravel road bed or just about any other kind of terrain if the rails themselves became impassable, or worse yet made into a Churchill hatpin. Further the Mariah had a stealth capability designed by Black Ram Rail Artist-In-Residence, Pablo Picasso and his lover Gertrude Stein who were masters of camouflage and deception and literary misdirection which was to make this early 20th century their Milieu, once they retired from the service of Black Ram Railroad.


The idea was that the Mariah was to act as a kind of magnet mobile fire-based that could plow its way to any supply base with its ATV capabilities, and unlike the French Fortress Fire Base of Dien Bien Phu, in Indo China, or it American counterpart fourteen years later at Battle of Khe Sanh which was Pyrrhic Victory that was to lead to the long slow death of American Imperialism, in this Universe things would not be the same.


The conference and the Mission and H.P. L Gives a Lecture on Cosmology:

It turns out that Woody Wilson had gotten permission From Howard Philips Lovecraft’s Mother for him to give a little lecture on his Literary Creation, in the small conference room of The Western Washington round house of The Black Ram Railroad. Though Albert Einstein was not present at the round house conference room the lecture that Howard Philips Lovecraft was giving was being telegraphed and transcribed in real Time to him in the Geneva patent office where there was a great deal of concern  the theoretical physics community with some very disturbing anomalies in the times space continuum.  There only three of them in the room but President Custer, H.G. Wells and Einstein also getting the same transcript a Woody Wilson giving a rather long winded, but necessary introduction to his own tectonic theory of literature and when Patton made some half assed joke Woody, being a real snore job, the University president crack Patton’s knuckles with a ruler, and then did the same to Roosevelt for laughing.


Woody Wilson   started by reading out loud from a copy of the Pulp Magazine Weird Tales which he wrenched from the hands of Dr. Richard Jensen a post-doctoral fellow for the of mathematics and logic at Princeton’s   Advanced institute. Woody had a silent giggle remember the startled look on Dr. Jensen face when then Princeton University President Woodrow Wilson. Who everybody called Woody behind his back rolled up the confiscated copy of Weird and whacked Dr. Jensen on the back of the head and said.


“Jensen, we are not paying you to read that sort of crap. We are paying you to Falsify Tom Kaveny’s conjecture that multi-dimensional Venn Diagrams

have applicability in model complex social, historical and scientific phenomena”


Dr. Jensen looked at President Wilson in a manner that made him look like he was a baby seal that was about to be clubbed to death, and said.


“That’s what I am doing turn to page 52 and read what H.P. Lovecraft said about correlation’s.’ because There are more things in heaven and Earth, Horatio, / Than are dreamt of in your philosophy science.”[2]





The thing Jensen gave Woody to read quite simply took residence in his consciousness. It jumped out of the page. It’s not so much that it appealed to Woody’s   intellectually though he was one of the greatest minds of the twenty the 20th if.  Indeed, civilization might be saved for there to be a 20th Century. He started by reading from Lovecraft what had written which put an end to any overage school boy antics on the part of Roosevelt, and Patton.  But Lovecraft took it from Woody’s hand and said simply this is mine I will read it since I wrote it.


The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far. The sciences, each straining in its own direction, have hitherto harmed us little; but some day the piecing together of dissociated knowledge will open up such terrifying vistas of reality, and of our frightful position therein, that we shall either go mad from the revelation or flee from the deadly light into the peace and safety of a new dark age.

H.P. Lovecraft, “The Call of Cthulhu”[3]


Patton asked Woody Wilson what his Techtronic Theory of literature, had to do with all this. Both Teddy Roosevelt and George Patton had his full attention; they were all grown men with very grave concerns. Especially since Roosevelt was making a very serious study of Buddhist thought, particularly the idea of Karma, and the eternal  cycle Samara, after he had a lucid   vivid dream in which an infinite number of his own heads were stuffed by an army of Taxidermists, and replaced all the animals he had shot exterminated to fill the halls of the New York Museum of natural History as a lion dressed in a business suit said.

“Nice said that they show our side of it this time. “

Woody said that last week when Paul Rathbone harpooned the Giant Krackken he unlocked the door to the Hellish other demission as real as ours and as terrifying when he killed the Giant Krackken, with the Harpoon Cannon. As surely as real was when the Ancient Mariner shot the Albatross.

Patton Interrupted and said, “put your Dammed   literary theory in [4]a footnote”

So, Woody handed to the transcriptionist it was inserted so Einstein and president could read it almost instantly and   Lovecraft read some lines From Samuel Coolidge to see   that which only existed poetically in the Universe that Paul Rathbone, Great Uncle Philip. Eddy III, and Anna Lived But not Melanie their mother who had turned Traitor and formed a women’s auxiliary the Sons of Ismail, and oversaw recruitment, and was in the  process of opening a rift which Lovecraft’s fictional monsters real.

Lovecraft read a few lines of The Rime of The Ancient Marnier and then he said. This world if we do not stop Churchill’s unholy alliance. This is what we all may live and die in

I looked to heaven, and tried to pray;

But or ever a prayer had gusht,

A wicked whisper came, and made

My heart as dry as dust.


I closed my lids, and kept them close,

And the balls like pulses beat;

For the sky and the sea, and the sea and the sky

Lay dead like a load on my weary eye,

And the dead were at my feet.








Lovecraft and first introduced in the short story “The Call of Cthulhu”, published in the American pulp magazine Weird Tales in 1928. Considered a Great Old One within the pantheon of Lovecraftian cosmic entities, the creature has since been featured in numerous popular culture references. Lovecraft depicts Cthulhu as a gigantic entity worshipped by cultists. Cthulhu appearance is described as looking like an octopus, a dragon and a caricature of human form. Its name was given to the Lovecraft-inspired universe where it and its fellow entities existed, the Cthulhu Mythos.




[4] My metaphorical use of a tectonic theory of literature is based on a kind of utilitarian view of literature, a view that has its roots in my early study of Platonic philosophy. What this means is that a work becomes interesting when a masked historical reality manifests itself in an artistic creation. We ask ourselves the question: Is there something about a process that is not simply part of the author’s intentionality? For example, there is a section of Herman Melville’s Moby Dick where Captain Ahab tells Starbuck why he hunts the White Whale.   A hundred years before the introduction of the scientific field of geomorphology of tectonic theory, we see its literary foreshadowing.  In Moby Dick Melville through Ahab alludes to a universe of forms, and masks. For most of the time, the underlying reality is not accessible to us except for certain rifts and.  These rifts are where the seismic action is and where great continental plates smash together as they float on lakes of liquid molten rock.




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